It’s only these days that I am feeling strong again, both physically and emotionally. I have long wanted to share my deepest fear but I would burst into tears each time I attempt to blog about it. This very moment is different however. I want to pour my heart out with someone, with you. It’s wee hour of the morning, my husband is out of the country and our first-born is asleep; and as I write this post, I feel the enormous strength of a mom rushing in. I also see my cup overflowing with love! Let me share with you my pregnancy journey.
Two weeks from now, I will undergo an operation. The mere thought of it used to freak me out: I’ll have open surgery during my pregnancy!?!?
When Alex and I learned that we finally have another baby on the way, we were both excited parents. We immediately went to an OB/GYN and, as the usual procedure, I was subjected to my first scan. That was on the 5th week of my pregnancy. The scan showed that there were enlarged cysts in my ovaries. After showing the results to my OB, she immediately broke the news: the ovarian cysts need to be removed and that the 14th-16th week of pregnancy is the “safest” window. She said if not eliminated, the cysts could twist and rupture which could put me and the baby at risk.
My heart crashed into pieces. Will the procedure be safe for me and the baby?
So while the family was rejoicing with the coming of our new joy, there was fear. For some time, my husband and I were unusually quiet. We both had joyful, thankful but at the same time worried hearts.
As days passed, I was feeling anxious all the more… I worried a lot. And because of my condition, our weekend was usually in hospitals for scans, further tests, and more opinions from other OBs.
Alongside, morning sickness had been bad. They say that nausea strikes harder when you are stressed. That could be the reason why for the past weeks, I felt like my morning sickness was a million times more difficult than the first pregnancy! I would throw up more than you could imagine, and I didn’t like any food. Day by day, I felt like I was just forcing myself to eat and drink my vitamins for my precious little one.
Until slowly, enlightenment came. It is sure because of Him… through my family’s prayers and our friends’ support (my prayer warriors!). I won over my fear. I have accepted it, the surgery is needed and it is the safer option for me and my little darling.
My pregnancy journey during the 1st trimester was never easy, but happily, it’s a lot better now that I am entering the 2nd chapter. And in those difficult moments, those moments I seemed like losing perspective, I always read this verse:
It came to me that I just have to surrender everything to the Lord and not to worry on so many things, the way Mary did. I simply need to sit at His feet and rest. Now, I feel at peace. I hear Him, “Easy there, Martha!”
It’s amazing how stronger I am now. I used to be just lying on bed, barely getting work projects. The helper also did almost all of the homemaking. And during her day off, my husband did the house chores because I was so helpless! The only thing that I labored not to miss is being mom to Kyle, and to the little one in me.
These days, I feel recharged than ever! I am back on track. I am back to work and to being a homemaker!
The best part? I am looking forward to my check up on Monday as my doctor will already give me the last-minute reminders of the procedure and will set the date of the surgery which could happen on the first week of October. See how awesome He is? He made sure I am ready right on time! Finally, me and my baby will have a safer and more peaceful journey!